Zombie Virus is Ruining my Morning

I’m especially grouchy this morning. My grouch levels trend high as it is, but today they’re off the scale – logarithmically. I suppose you could say I’ve gotten up on the wrong side of bed, but guess what? Any side of the bed is the wrong side, at 6.30 a.m.

My three year old is successfully driving me insane. There seems to be nothing he can do to keep me from yelling at him, threatening him with time-outs, banging my head off the wall right now, apart from sitting still and being quiet and not treating me like a human jungle gym. He’s failing miserably at this (despite my subtle, and not so subtle, complaints, he doesn’t seem to get it; hint for future parents: kids aren’t well known for their intuitiveness or perspicacity).

The only reason I ever get up this early is for work. I tend to be just as irritable and grumpy, but for whatever reason, my colleagues tend to refrain from running back and forth across the room while shrieking wildly, or hitting me repeatedly with a rubber lizard. Today, I still had to get up at 6.30 to call my boss and tell him I would be out with flu. Not my flu, but my pregnant wife’s flu. You’d think that would be a perfect scenario: a day off work, and you’re not even sick. But my dear son has seen to it that any chance of relaxation is a mere evanescent fantasy. He’s like the Tasmanian devil on crack this morning. I now realize that my stay-at-home wife works ten times harder than me.

Speaking of flu: you know how every Winter, anyone even mildly related to the medical profession push the flu shot on you with the persuasive enthusiasm of a scientologists to a fledgling movie star? Well next time, ask them do they understand the full implications of taking it while on immunosuppressant drugs (obviously, you don’t have to take immunosuppressant drugs just to ask this; that would be… extreme), just to see what they say. Turns out it’s highly irresponsible to inject a virus into someone with a weakened immune system. It’s apparently a “dead” virus, they might tell you. It can’t infect you. Well maybe, your body doesn’t want these dead little things inside you anyway, or hey, maybe they’ve become little flu zombies. My wife takes immunosuppressant drugs for her illness, and guess what? She’s got her second flu this winter. Humans 0 – zombie virus 2.